What Other Preachers are saying about
The Pastor's Helper
[Note: Of course this is not to be taken seriously. If you have a problem with this, LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE!!. If you have any pictures of other famous preachers (fully clothed) please send them to me via e-mail: Barry L. Davis]
"I've got to tell you brother, I luuuuvv the Pastor's Helper! You remember when I had to have the plastic surgery don't you brother? I had been crying over all the prayer requests for so long that the ink stained my cheeks and it wouldn't come off. I had to go to the surgeon to have the stains removed. Well, I was moved in a similar way while accessing the Pastor's Helper website. I was so moved by the sermons that I got up right close to the computer screen. As I began to cry radiation began to connect with my tears and it began to melt my face and uncurl my hair. But I'm not mad at you brother Barry. Because, miracle of miracles, that radiation helped me to speak in an unknown tongue. And it was not the usual angel language I have manifested so often on my TV program. It was the tongue of the aliens who were following the Hale Bopp comet! Oh, my, it's starting again....bleep...chhhrrracchswitzmotss...spluutzz ...haaaawwwkkkkinggo....."
"Barry, I cannot begin to tell you how much the Pastor's Helper has assisted me in my Crusades. If it weren't for you I don't know if I could get up in front of the crowds. How would I prepare? Who would listen? To whom could I go if not for the Pastor's Helper?"
"Let me tell you brother Barry. The anointing is upon the Pastor's Helper. I have been blowing on your screen for the last several minutes and I have felt the presence of the Lord moving from within my spirit onto your web site. I smacked my computer screen three times in lieu of a solid forehead to lay my hand into. And I tell you brother my right hand was tingling! My left foot started to sweat! And right after the anointing began to fade, I began to break into holy laughter. The point of contact had been made. [By the way brother, do you have a few dollars to spare? As you can see, I'm in bad need of a new hairdo]"
"If it weren't for the Pastor's Helper who knows where I would be today. It's not easy pastoring such a large church, authoring books, preaching on the radio, and now, being the President of a famous seminary. Thank you Barry, thank you for your wonderful web site!"
"We have a saying in Georgia; 'we don't care where you pick the peach as long as it's ripe for eatin'. I've been pickin' my peaches from the Pastor's Helper. Where else could I find such insightful truths to declare from the pulpit? I am so impressed with your work, Barry. I thank you, my congregation thanks you, we love you!"
"Wow! As you know I used to be a KJV-only preacher, but after reading some of Barry's sermons on the Pastor's Helper, and seeing that they're based on the NIV, I'm seriously thinking about switching. Heck, I might even start using The Message! Or the Living Bible! Or, or, or maybe...maybe I'll even start using the New Jerusalem Bible. I've even considered using drama in the church...and praise choruses...what's...what's happening to me??? It's your fault Barry! I'm falling apart! What would John R. Rice say? Or Curtis Hutson? Will I ever be published again in the Sword of the Lord?"
"Barry, what do you say we get the Pastor's Helper on our network? I can show you how to make some big time money that'll make Oral, Benny, Rod, and both Kenneths green with envy. Here's how it'll work. Will let you preach for about five minutes, then I'll get a couple good lookin gals to sing some gospel hits, then we can have my wife come out and do twenty minutes of makeup tips. You know, she's the one who taught Tammy Faye all she knows about makeup -- only problem was, she didn't think Tammy Faye used enough. Now before we begin you've got to make some personal changes--how big can you make your hair? Can you cry on signal? Does it bother your ear to wear an electronic device so we can let you know people's ailments who are waiting in the healing line? Well, I'll check with you later--I've got an appointment with Bob Larson and Mike Warnke's on hold."